-----Original Message-----
From: Luke
Sent: Thursday, March 25, 2004 4:17 PM
To:
Subject: RE: ssrlies


poor guy. i dont murder families thank goodness. altho thinking about it, i havent had any night terrors for a few months.

i dont really think that the drugs were designed to fuck people up, i see it as more of a hither24 hidden adverse side-effect. but thinking about it a bit, theres something weird about the similarities between many of these cases. when i was whiteknuckling thru my first doses, there was a guy in london who went out and killed his family. and the same shit in fort bragg. its almost the same specificity. its just a bit odd somehow.

i kinda think in terms of probabilities and all that - if u were looking forward and trying to estimate the likelihood that an antidepressant was gonna put a very similar input on the brains of users to go kill families, and oftentimes actually execute on that plan, id have to think that the forecast would be pretty sunny. given all the chaos in the universe and in our personal histories and the complexity of our brains, it seems improbable that some consumers of both an antidepressant and antimalarial pill have very specific, very similar, and occasionally actionable responses. KILL FAMILY. what are the chances of that happening by accident? not very likely id have to think. i can imagine drugs having side effects - no problem there but the likelihood of getting such a specific response must be pretty low. of all the possible accidental impacts - its a bit curious that 'killing families' ranks too highly. why not 'i drop things' or 'my eye twitches'? in a random universe, those things would be more likely. maybe they arent reported. if u imagine a montecarlo decision tree in the brain, the number of steps required to accidentally get to 'kill the family' is almost beyond mathematical possibility. and its not just an idea that pops up at random - its a very specific actionable brain response - sometimes to the point of override like we see at fort bragg.

thankfully i dont feel like killing families - but i think i understand the process a bit - the images seem to imprint on the brain and then repeat repeat repeat. mine started in london - unfortunately im not sure whether it was b4 or after i started the drugs so im not sure if its related, or if im just a spaz. but i do have some empathy for the poor guys who tried to serve their country and ended up killing their wives and themselves. i can almost understand that they were overridden somehow. thankfully, my imprint doesnt include others - but there are very specific messages that seems encoded in the brain. as i say, im not sure if it began b4 the drugs.

blartblartblacksheep