Miss White Girl

ok - so heres a business idea. ya know how the schiavo days were a golden era anyone flogging living wills, well this idea is analagous to that, but in response to the medias latest surge in missingwhitegirl stories.

imagine if you were a white chick and you went 'missing' - apparently theres a spate of that going on - whats your greatest fear? that your folks give cnn some stupid photos of you that you hate - cos you dont look that hot, or you think the person standing next to you in the photo is a bitch, or you dont like your shirt or your eyes were red or some such. yuk.

you probably wouldnt trust your folks to choose a pic of you to give to the media at the best of times, they'd probably choose something embarrassing. maybe a photo of you with an exbf you hate? now, imagine the damage your dad could do if he was in a frazzle about your disapperance and simply gave the cops/media whichever pix he could find. your dad probably cant even tell the difference whether you look hot or not in a pic. you're just his little girl. and he's hardly gonna hand out a pic of you in your bikini - so leaving this important task to him, or your mum, would be a disaster.

think about it, the early pix that the media gets are important - regardless of how things turn out...
a) if you have been kidnapped but not yet murdered, then having pix of you on teeve is probably gonna help - and apparently theres a direct correlation between prettiness and media exposure - so you wanna look as good as possible.
b) if you have already been murdered, then you'd rather be remembered looking hot right? and besides, your family will get more for the book/movie rights to your story.
c) if you escape, or otherwise find yourself unkidnapped, then you get to enjoy the benefits of the higher book/movie rights, and otherwise leverage your story - this is probably your best chance to ever change your tedious existence in Buttfuck, Nowhere, so you might as well plan it properly.

so heres the idea for the business, you set up a website - missingwhitegirls.com or whatnot - and you charge a subscription fee for women to create a little webspace where they can upload and store the photos *the subscriber wants* to be released to the media in the event that she goes missing. the subscriber could change the pix over time - cut out the old boyfriend, or if they lose a few pounds, or if theres a new bikini shot or whatever. of course, they can also write their own bio and stuff - the less factual the better in most cases - all we need is a compelling narrative.
(in fact the site could have template bios/speeches taken from recent MissAmerica contests)

the business could do a deal with the networks that they call you whenever some chick goes missing to see if she has an account at the website, and then you'd release the pix to them. the news folk know they are probably gonna get better pix from you than from the parents so its in their interest to give you a call.

similarly, you could get a continual feed of 'missing persons' and cross-check that against your subscriber base in real-time. whenever you get a 'hit' (and the photos are sufficiently attractive) then you could package the story, with the pix, and feed it to the cablenews folk. its quite symbiotic, cos they can fill the airtime cheaply, and get the increased ad revenue. in fact, you could do a cross-promotion with the media companies - its a no-brainer, pr-wise. the next time theres a missingwhitegirl, you could get cnn to say 'unfortunately, she didnt have an account at missingwhitegirl.com, thats missingwhitegirl.com'

the site could offer a few different packages, the cheapest package would be say $30/year, plus 50% of any future movie/book deal, and a premium package for say $100 p.a. where the subscriber maintains full royalty rights in the event of susbsequent deals. and there'd also be the Schiavo Special subscription whereby if you end up a vegetable and your inlaws wanna put you on national tv, theres an agreement with the media companies to use pix of the subscriber in a bikini and not in a hospital bed, drooling.

the site would have a bunch of other features - for example, the subscriber would store written statements to be released when she is missing, and another when/if she is dead etc - again, they dont have to be factual, we are really only interested in maximising movie/book deals - the site could offer some advice about this - for example, im not sure why any of these statements wouldnt include the fact that she is engaged to her high school sweetheart, and that her favorite channel was fox, or cnn, or whatever.

the site could also offer a feature where the subscriber could nominate the three people most likely to kidnap them - to help out the police and all that. it could be updated constantly by the more paranoid: 1) ex boyfriend 2) that creepy guy at the local store who works on wednesday 3) al-zarqawi

the site could also offer a 'suspend account' feature for women like the runaway bride - im not sure what she weas running away from, but i dont think her plan was to generate a national media gorge, so you'd have to offer a "im gonna pretend to go missing, but dont tell the whole country" function.

the rest of the business plan just writes itself.