urgent national virginity matters

i'm gonna have to quote (the good) roger ailes in full:

A bit of friendly free advice, Claude. Consider hiring a new attorney.

It's all a misunderstanding won't cut it.

This is how you do it:

"Mr. Allen was so focused on urgent national virginity matters, it is hardly surprising that he would later confuse, forget or misremember which items he picked up off the Target shelf twice."

A second bit of advice: Don't hold your breath waiting for a legal defense fund bankrolled by your former pals.