Sunday, June 04, 2006

terrorists, canada, illegals, and more.

via pessimist at tlc:
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney [that would be George's aunt, kiddies!] hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.

"We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said.
meanwhile, desi is apparently worried about terrorists reverse commuting from canada in to the US. (and here)


Don said...

meanwhile, desi is apparently worried about terrorists reverse commuting from canada in to the US. (and here)

obligatory caveat: for those who haven't picked up on it, I am Canadian.

I have a helluva sense of humour. To the contrary of pessimist's headline, I'm definitely no red stater and I did think it was funny (Limbaugh curtails dairy production... beautiful). Don't know if the original was written by left or right, although I'd have to guess militant centrist 'cause everyone else gets a shot in.

That said, desi's "Border Security?" post (the second of 2 links) is a little disturbing, if for no reason other than alarm over the Canadian or Mexican borders (where someone else can be blamed by the rabid right in a failure) is a bit of a red herring to distract from serious holes in air and port security.

That said, the first link kinda takes away from the argument by noting that our "home grown terrorists" go south for guns (and explosives materials) without asking why that might be so.

Note also, in said article, whose enforcement agencies flagged the rental car and then pulled it over on the return trip? Canada's.

All told, while this can probably be used by the right to rail against the left over internet surveillance or terror or borders, it's also a nice opportunity to ask a few questions:

- Why'd the Canucks have to be the ones to catch the guns at the border? And who'd they get them from, anyway?
- Enough material for 3 Oklahoma City-sized bombs was seized before they could be built, let alone set off. Why can't the DHS/NSA/FBI/ATF manage that?
- Targets were selected through monitoring of Jihadist websites/forums. Evidence was gathered, surveillance conducted, arrests made, evidence presented and charges laid, all legally, without rendition or torture or illegal confinement. Trials will likely be conducted. Hey, Mr. Preznit, why can't you do that?

Feel free to throw in a Canadian-defamatory comparison if you like (i.e.: "If them igloo-bound canuckleheads can do it, why can't we?"). We have a sense of humour (most of us anyway) and it gets the attention of the low-brows running the right so you can properly pound them.

Recommended reading: Barbara O'Brien's recent post on Greenwald's blog, with attention to comments, a couple of which made by a couple of Canadian bloggers. Also, here.

Ok, off my beaver-pelted soapbox now...

lukery said...

i love desi - but im not sure how serious her concerns are - or how much irony to read into her posts

and no - we dont kneejerk criticize canadians - although you are obviously all weak on nationaldefense and are gay/ tree -huggers and your media is probably liberal too. and french.

Don said...

Could be worse... could have to live down Paul Hogan... ;)

Never met a gay tree, though...

lukery said...

we'd rather focus on kylie minogue, elle mcpherson and nicole kidman :-)

Kathleen said...

I loved this piece. It's so damned funny.

Don said...

we'd rather focus on kylie minogue, elle mcpherson and nicole kidman

Three subjects that definitely need close scrutiny... :P