You Can't Argue With Stupid

the adorable Nancy Greggs, in full:

It’s true. In any political discussion, you can educate the ill-informed, you can make some headway amongst those with common sense. But you can’t argue with Stupid – and you’re wasting your time if you try.

And Stupid was out in force this week.

Valerie Plame was not a covert CIA operative; she was a desk jockey. But according to Stupid, she was a desk jockey who sent her husband on a mission to Niger. Yes, it was right there in her job description: “Typing, filing, answering the phone, authorizing the sending of individuals to investigate activities in foreign nations that will have national and international impact, and could be grounds for sending the United States to war.” She also made coffee for the entire office.

Stupid is also quick to point out that everybody knew Plame didn’t have covert status, and therefore couldn’t be outted in the first instance. Of course, Stupid has no explanation as to why his president didn’t look into Plame’s status from the outset, and issue a statement confirming her non-covert status – which, of course, would have put an end to the discussion right then and there – and instead chose to announce investigations into finding out who had leaked the name of a covert CIA operative.

Maybe Stupid thinks that his president was just too busy to make a couple of phone calls. Maybe Bush has to make coffee for the entire office, too.

Stupid will be the first person to point out to you that just because the CIA director confirmed Plame’s status doesn’t make it so – I mean, how would he know better than Victoria Toensing (duh!)?

As for Libby facing prison for lying about the disclosure of a non-covert operative, Stupid is still grappling with that one. Maybe Bush let him be the fall guy for a non-crime because he just doesn’t like him. Maybe Libby complained about the White House coffee once too often.

If you visit the websites where Stupid posts, you’ll understand the breadth of his knowledge about all things political. Stupid doesn’t understand why the Democrats are always harping about the national debt. He will explain to you, very patiently, that the national debt is what is owed to the country by nations who have been borrowing from us for years. When that number hit the trillions, Stupid was ecstatic – he could see the country rolling in dough-re-me for decades to come. Besides, based on Stupid’s logic, if the country ever does find itself in debt, the treasury department will just print more money – end of problem.

The thing that really gets Stupid going is the War on Terror. He gets incensed over the fact that the rest of us just don’t get it. This is a war we have to win. He acknowledges that for every so-called terrorist we kill, a dozen more are incited to take his place. Don’t ever ask Stupid how we’re going to win a war in which we keep encouraging new recruits – because you don’t understand that we have to win this thing. Stupid figures he’ll get the last laugh when we find out that the last terrorist on earth has been taken out by US forces. He can’t explain when or how that will happen, but that doesn’t dampen his enthusiasm – he already has a case of Champale on ice, waiting to toast that particular Mission Accomplished.

Like I said, you just can’t argue with Stupid. He knows that the sun revolves around a six thousand-year-old flat earth, and global warming is a hoax being perpetrated by the people who own the weather networks in an obvious attempt to up their ratings.

He knows that an increase of attacks in Iraq is a sign of progress, because those insurgents wouldn’t be so pissed off if we weren’t handing them their asses on a regular basis.

He doesn’t know what Victory in Iraq actually means, but he’s damned sure if we don’t win, it will be because the American people aren’t supporting this war – our opinions at home, rather than military strategy and planning, being the make-or-break in such situations.

The bad news is that Stupid is out there – and he gets more than his fair share of airtime on FOX, on Limbaugh, on O’Reilly. You’ll know him when you hear him – he’s the guy who thinks everyone should sign up and go to Iraq – except him, because he’s busy keeping his mother’s basement safe for democracy.

Despite all of the news stories about Walter Reed, or soldiers being sent into combat without sufficient safety equipment, weapons or training, he knows the Republicans are Supporting the Troops – because they said so, that’s why. And he can’t think of a single time they ever lied to him, or anyone else.

So do yourself a favor, and don’t argue with Stupid. He’s a hopeless case – and by simply opening his mouth, he can actually prove it beyond all reasonable doubt.

now you know why it had to be in full.